I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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