I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
