In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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