Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
