I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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