just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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