are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
