do herpes really smell.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
