What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
