me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
