id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
