Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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