the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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