he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
this just has baby written all over it
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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