I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I have aggressive nipples.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
