i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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