Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
