I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
