okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
