Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
