Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
