a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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