why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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