Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
