Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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