Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize
