sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
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i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
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ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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