Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
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you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
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I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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