I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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