I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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