Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
