In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
