It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
