I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
