i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
