You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
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i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
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With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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