it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
