2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
