can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize