it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
