First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
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