some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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