I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We got so high we made milksteak
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
