So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.