checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
