We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.