I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.