The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome