Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
