why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
