I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
