I'm jealous of your bromance
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
