I swear god or herbie drove my car home
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
