AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
