I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize