I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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