oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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