yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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