from now on my penis is your penis
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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