That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
