He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
