Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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