Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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