If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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