I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
it's like heaven, but drunker
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
