i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
