i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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