Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
