got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
