Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
