White coat. Heels.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
