dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
