Im at strip club and am horny
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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