Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I am mentally ready for anal.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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