we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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