windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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