That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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