did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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