i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
