i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
